Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
