My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
