I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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