Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many