Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl

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  (313): I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl http://tfl.nu/zim9
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.

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  (858): we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching. http://tfl.nu/2epj
  Replies (7) Good night (958) Bad night (1520)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.

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  (414): I want to frame my negative pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/y335
  Replies (26) Good night (7303) Bad night (1100)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

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  (515): I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson" http://tfl.nu/itij
  Replies (11) Good night (7750) Bad night (1088)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.

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  (815): i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head. http://tfl.nu/g1i4
  Replies (5) Good night (2006) Bad night (1678)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??

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  (619): FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight?? http://tfl.nu/oa1o
  Replies (2) Good night (2224) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me

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  (513): Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me http://tfl.nu/vfre
  Replies (13) Good night (3376) Bad night (1743)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.

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  (563): I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan. http://tfl.nu/gr04
  Replies (10) Good night (2255) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum

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  (610): i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain (215): replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum http://tfl.nu/e0rs
  Replies (2) Good night (1578) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.

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  (267): yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want. http://tfl.nu/2y0q
  Replies (5) Good night (1510) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.

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  (804): I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up. http://tfl.nu/0inz
  Replies (16) Good night (1307) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle

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  (516): Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle http://tfl.nu/gy3s
  Replies (2) Good night (1076) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".

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  (570): I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet". http://tfl.nu/7uaq
  Replies (0) Good night (555) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder

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  (205): You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder http://tfl.nu/hpcq
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.

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  (760): Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick. http://tfl.nu/b7j5
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (219)

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