I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
