Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
