from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Life is so much better after having sex.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
