Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

there were more penises there than on chat roulette

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(602): View more from Arizona

So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.

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(408): View more from California

Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.

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(315): View more from New York

Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”

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