there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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