I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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