You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
