man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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