so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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