You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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