i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
