My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
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I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"