yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.