Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.