Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
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My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs