are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.