I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it