Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.