I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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