so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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