Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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