You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
