32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
