it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
