Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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