Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
