i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
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Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
don't judge my taste in strippers
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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