My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
