dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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