Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
