Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
