dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
