Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
