sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
