i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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