dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dear god my vagina.
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