I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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