So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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