i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
