who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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