can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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