I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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