I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
