Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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