Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
