I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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