Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize