Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
