last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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