She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
