Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
