So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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