once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
