I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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