just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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