He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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