youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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