Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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