garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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