You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
