OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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