she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
