my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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